>>–♡–>Follow your H3ART!

“If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it!” -John Irving

I met my husband in high school at an academy in Honolulu. We didn’t speak very much as he was more the quiet type until you got to know him. I always thought of him as a good guy with a bit of an edge but he had a bit of a reputation, and may have been perceived as more of a bad-boy. Having been born and raised on this tiny island where everyone knows each other, it would be hard to escape these conceptions true/false as they may have been… So, we’ll call him my bad-boy-sweetheart. He was tall, so tall that he towered over everyone else. I loved this about him and I assumed he had gotten his height from his dad, because him mom was such a shortie. 🙂

I always thought he was so attractively tall 🙂

He left our high school and so I only saw him around when he was visiting his mom who was one of my teachers, and a great one at that. He was there often, but he would be in the back room and so I didn’t see him much.

After High School, I left to attend a boarding College in California. In the meantime, I came home every summer and hung out with my best friends and other people from my graduating class.

After the first summer being home my friend Lana and I made plans to meet up with him for breakfast. Not only did he pick us up but when the bill came he paid for us, we drove around a bit and he took us back to my house. Lana was very surprised about breakfast and the fact that it was not only pleasant (we all seemed to have a good time) but that he paid for both of us. I guess this came to a surprise to her because she’d known him since Kindergarden and they had never gotten along before.. (I later learned it was because she was my friend, and I guess he was trying to impress me – SMART MAN!!)! It was fun, but I had to return to school again. 20140426-105508.jpgThe next summer, a guy from my class and a mutual friend of my husband and me invited me to come out with him and his friends. When they arrived, Billy was not only in the front seat, he was driving. My heart skipped a second. I had always thought of him as a “cool kid” and since it had been a while I was excited about getting to know him better. While we were out, I wasn’t really connecting with anyone there. I noticed Billy just sitting in the bed of his truck on top of a chair he had set up in there. I thought it was funny because it was like a drivers chair or something so it was low inside the bed, but the perfect height for him to be just above eye level with all the rest of us. I headed in his direction because something about him intrigued me. He seemed to be the only one with his head on straight, he wasn’t hitting on me or any one else like some of the others. It was clear he was just there to hang out with friends and I liked that. I struck up a conversation with him. He had striking blue eyes. I had noticed them before but I had never seen them so close and they were even more brilliant-looking when our eyes locked. He didn’t make eye contact for long amounts of time, but he was never awkward about it. He was very intentional and very confident about everything he did. And I was amazed how every time he opened his mouth something witty would come out. All of the guys who knew him would stop to greet him or say whats up from afar. I could tell everyone respected him and I was beginning to learn why. He was easy to talk to, non-judgmental, highly intelligent, funny and extremely easy going. His words were never wasted and I later learned he was also admired by the guys for his brute strength, something I’m sure he would love to know I realized, considering he’s a very manly man (*rawr*)! I mean seriously, he was good at everything! He could fix anything in a car (he went to UTI in Arizona), he’d taken some flying lessons, he personally recorded his friends music as well as his own, and played the guitar, I loved his voice and he was very knowledgable about history, and science and pretty much everything else… I mean, I was impressed! His use of sarcasm was perfectly aligned next to mine. He was also very respectful of me, I never once saw him looking at me inappropriately, though he says he checked me out plenty of times, haha. Plus, I had a very strict curfew set by my parents which was overly protective and should have been illegal considering I was 24 (ha, ha).. but he would always leave the party just to get me home RIGHT ON THE DOT. My mom immediately LOVED him for this.

Just hanging out that summer. The only time we actually went swimming at the beach, lol


sun setting and all the colors of the darkness were approaching

We became fast friends and I went out with this group a handful of times before I told Billy to let me know if he ever wanted to hang out just he and I… and so we did — every day for the rest of the summer. Every day we would go out in his midnight blue Chevy truck and just drive around the island coast admiring it’s beauty and listening to music. Toward the evening we would go to “the spot.” He would drive through the mounds and pot holes on this sandy field just to park it next to the beach, facing the ocean. As it started to get dark, all of the beauty from the moon and the shadows would gently begin to appear. Of course it was beautiful in the day, but there was something magical about the night under the Hawaiian moon overlooking the ocean. Koko Head crater was a wall behind us to the right and the waves splashing off the coral reef in front us was never a view that would disappoint. It was simple usually, not consistent giant waves or anything, but beautiful and peaceful even though the ocean was sometimes violent when the waves collided and kissed the sand. We hung out all day, every day. The only time during the day I didn’t see him was for dinner. Because he reserved this time to eat at home with his parents. This was another thing that drew me in even more. He was a home body, and he liked to go out. Sometimes, if he finished dinner with his family early enough we got to watch the sunset from this beach.

I even “snuck out” of my house on one occasion to hang out with him, I had never in my life snuck out of my house before… Keep in mind I was 24! 🙂 On this occasion we stayed out so long talking that we lost track of time (I had already planned on staying out but the night just passed us by so fast) and we watched the sunrise while listening to the Phantom of the Opera. It was pretty epic! The drive home was even more beautiful. You’d have to know the island and see the drive around that side to know what I’m taking about. 10268546_685923201449302_4903363593553651258_n Talking with him was the nicest thing in the world. It was like we had our own language. I felt like I was completely understood for the first time in my life. We talked about anything and everything you could possibly think of. Our hopes, our dreams, our obstacles, and our fears. We became each other’s “best friend”. We were equal on a soul to soul level. A perfect match. I knew what he was all about, and he knew what I was all about, too. So none of our short comings could surprise either of us. It was like we had known each other forever. Since, by correlation we really had. Both of our parents were teachers under the same religious affiliation, so we were even raised pretty similarly. We made jokes, and listened to the waves crashing down, sounding like the inside of a seashell and we shared all our favorite music. Sometimes we didn’t speak at all. We just sat together, watching the ocean and the sky changing, doing whatever it would do and it was the most beautiful friendship I have ever kindled with another person.

Picture out of sequence: This was the same night as the first time we ever held hands 🙂

When the summer was over I cried with my mother and told her that Billy was my soulmate~ I had never believed in soul mates before. She said she knew that already and without saying much else I could see she approved.

I went back to California the next day and was doing my thing at school. Billy being my best friend, and deep down so much more than that, kept in contact. We spoke every day. He came to visit me soon after, in October. My best girl friend, Heidi was visiting at the same time. He was coming and would see what a wreck I was in. Of course he already knew, but now he would actually see it… I was worried but their visit was very rejuvenating for me. Not only did Heidi and Billy hit it off, it made the fact that I was keeping my love a secret even harder to keep.

A picture Heidi took of me when she was visiting.

They went back to their homes and I went back to feeling lonely and I missed my two friends. Heidi told me she could tell that we were in love with each other. She told me how much she knew Billy loved me and how he would do anything for me and that I’d be stupid not to follow my H3ART and let him love me. I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes. But I’ve known her since middle school and she knows me well enough, even though we’ve been apart for quite some time now. She’s always been a good friend and her word meant a lot to me. She also told me how much she disapproved of the other… This is where it get’s complicated. My cat was living with my ex at the time because the dorm had a “no pet’s policy” and they checked our rooms every night at check-in so it’s not like I could be sneaky about it. This school was ultra conservative about a lot of things and nothing at the same time some how. Anyway, I still spent some time there at his place even though things between he and I were really unsteady. The breakup was not exactly mutual for him even though he wouldn’t commit and was often territorial. Things between he and I had been unfixable for quite some time and the ultimate separation was unnecessarily long and drawn out.

photo 1

Back home, Billy had just sold his truck that we spent all of our time talking in and watching the ocean in front of us every night all summer long in…The next thing I know is Billy tells me he’s moving to California and will be there in like a month. At first I got really upset about it. I’m not exactly sure why because I knew I wanted to be with him but I was somewhat worried because I was still hanging out with my ex and at the same time I was concerned about what I was going to do with my cat if I was going to completely severe the ties with him. That cat had been my only comfort before Billy. I cried many tears holding her in my arms and she, too, gave me the love that I needed in return. I didn’t want to lose her. I didn’t want to lose Billy either but when he said he was moving to California it seemed it all happened so fast, and it scared me. I was afraid him moving would somehow ruin the whole thing we had going and I wouldn’t have my buddy there anymore when I went back home over the summers. Little did I know, he had come to rescue me. I didn’t talk to him for a few days and was letting it sink in (I’m sure he was freaking out on his end, he later told me he had sold his truck -he loved that truck- and a few other things so that he could make the move to California). When I finally started talking to him again I told him we couldn’t be together. I’m not sure where that came from or why I said it. Hanging out with him was very magical and deep down my heart desired nothing more than to be with him. He hadn’t said anything one way or the other about an “us.” But he did reply that he was there to help me out and be my friend. My H3ART was his.

He found an apartment super close to my school, and Honey-Girl, AKA: Zombie-Love (my kit-cat) moved in with him. After that I. Never. Left. I did however stop going over to my ex’s. I had no reason to anymore, even though he was holding my stuff hostage. He signed up for a couple of my classes, including my favorite Painting (ART) class, which I’m sure he realized was pretty much the only one I wouldn’t drop. By now, I was in my own world with Billy. So though it was annoying, it didn’t matter so much.

Out of no where, I finally confessed to Billy that I loved him. I hadn’t planned it, it just seemed right to say it and I was glad I had. After all, it was true. I told him in front of an audience, a friend of mine, who was not very supportive because she was jealous of my time. We still spent the night there at his house. We slept in the living room. We all had a great time together and in the morning while she was still sleeping and I knew Billy was already awake, we quietly snuck into his room so she could continue to sleep-in and we could hang out, just the two of us. We laid on the bed under the covers looking up at the ceiling and looking into each others eyes and he pulled out his iPhone and played “Lucky I’m in love with my best friend” and we held hands. Everything was perfect and my cat was very happy about her new home. Sometimes when I would come back from classes Billy would have surprise flowers for me sitting on the coffee table in the living room. It was the first thing I would see when I walked in 🙂

Zombie feeling more confident than ever!

Surprise flowers from Billy! Found them on the coffee table after class; paired with a fat, beautiful smelling glass candle.

My Painting Course was awesome! Except that the ex had found a spot next to me in class and would pester me the whole time. He would do creepy things like stand behind me and stare at me painting. It made me really uncomfortable. Billy bought me some headphones and suggested I listened to music to distract me from the way this guy was acting so I could still enjoy my class. It was a great idea! When I did this he too brought headphones and started blasting them. I was confident he was going to go deaf but I did my best to ignore him. It was hard because our teacher made us give individual oral peer critique’s of everyone in our class. That was awkward, so I just pretended like he was anyone else and gave a legitimate critique each time. He painted some what of a self portrait. It was crying and bloody mucus was dripping down from the nose. It was very emotional and very dramatic. The rest of the time he didn’t take seriously and he spent all his time trying to make anyone feel sorry for him instead of doing his work. I was so happy about my headphones and Billy was never late to pick me up from class. Every day I was excited to see him parked and waiting or just driving up and I would run out with all of my stuff and jump in his car. He would greet me with a kiss and we would go.

On this particular Wednesday after class, he told me he had never seen it snowing before.. He was born and raised on the island. I said we must change that! And we went to his house and grabbed jackets and headed straight for the mountains. It was amazing! We had so much fun! And I was back in time for my classes the next day.

Mid-week adventures to find it SNOWING since Billy had never experienced SNOWING before 🙂

20140426-103048.jpg My ex was still holding my stuff hostage. I had come to think I wouldn’t get any of it back again and was trying to get over it when he asked me to go check on his cat because he was going away for a fun trip with his friends. I saw my opportunity and tried not to act excited and agreed seemingly begrudgingly.

Billy and I went to his apartment and he helped me get my stuff out quickly as possible (we did take care of his cat). When the ex arrived he was furious. I’m not sure what he expected, but I was glad this whole thing was something I would never again have to put up with. 36250_175171692516929_7629068_n I woke up on one particular morning and Billy was reading the News, as he has done every morning since I have known him. He said their was a Sun’s game in Arizona. I knew he wanted to go, and I wanted to as well. I decided I didn’t want to go to any of my classes. I had never skipped class before. My grades were good enough. So we went! Don’t ask me how we did it but I only missed that day of classes and we had a great time in Arizona.

Billy and Me

Portland Trailblazers vs. Phoenix Suns (105-100) NBA First Round of the Playoffs

207531_202000966500668_1004689_n The next time we “went with the wind” it was a Friday, and Billy and I decided to take advantage of the time and went to Las Vegas on the fly. I had never been there before and was very excited! It snowed on the way there and it was cold. But we were having fun! 400569_163010343808268_673523801_n Once we got there he took me to all kinds of nice places. We ate at Lowry’s The Prime Rib and the Restaurant “Top of The World” on top of the Stratosphere. We also went to a fun burger joint inside of the Hard Rock Hotel. He was a connoisseur of good food, in fact when we were back at his place he would even cook it for me every night while I worked on homework. We had to rush back to school so I could be there in time for Monday classes. We had such a great time and I was already excited for us to go again! I loved how spontaneous we always were. 180487_186541938046571_6992054_n

On top of the Stratosphere!


The food was amazing 🙂

In February, we took a scenic Valentine’s weekend road trip to Northern California and back. He travelled a lot growing up and knew all the routes well and some history behind things. He randomly made a stop. He had ordered something and had to pick it up. Five minutes later when he came back, he handed me a little wrapped box. Inside it was a butterfly necklace for Valentines Day. It was white gold, with little diamonds. I love butterflies and this had a special meaning for me. Needless to say, it was beautiful and very much my style, I LOVED IT. I kissed him and said thank you and we were on our way again. 179255_186539754713456_2882426_n We went wine tasting and took pictures together in a field of yellow mustard flowers. We drove by the old college I had attended before I transferred to the University. We stayed at a nice Hotel and I’d brought along my painting homework. I was painting the ocean with palm trees, much like the ocean we looked at over the summer the year before but this painting was from the perspective of a home window. Painting made me happy. Painting next to him on the bed made me happier. It was a big project so I didn’t finish til after we got back to his house but every time I painted I felt like everything was right with the world. 20140426-104551.jpg 20140426-111305.jpg20140426-111335.jpg 20140426-111328.jpg I made it a thing and would go out to get us frappe’s in the mornings on the days my classes started later and then I’d come back and paint in the morning light. Billy would just be waking up and he’d be in such a good mood. I had found a man who loved me for everything I was and I loved him the same in return. I know he would love me and protect me forever. Looking at my cat sprawled out, belly to the air, drinking our frappe’s and painting made me feel like life was perfect. I used to be nervous about people watching me do anything but he didn’t bother me when I painted. His admiration and kisses actually encouraged my paintbrush and I stroked the canvas with even more confidence.

Painting 1

Complete Painting #1: “Ocean view through a window”



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